Three Beautiful Things Thursday: 500 Most Influential Muslims Edition

by HijabMan :: posted 10 December 09

1. HijabMan.Com. I set out with this web site and my on-line life at the age of 14, hoping to find a community. Instead, it looks like I’ve ending up helping to build one. A beautiful network of like-minded folks around the world. Thanks to everyone who made it possible for me to get here, and to be named one of the 500 Most Influential Muslims In The World. I highly doubt I deserve such a title, but as my sister reminded me,

“It is no longer about whether you deserve it or not, someone already decided that. The question now is, “What are you going to do with it?”

She makes a very important point. And so I’m excited to announce that I’m in talks with a web developer to make HijabMan.com resemble a virtual mosque. Only, we’ll be redefining what a mosque feels like, looks like, and acts like. It’ll be a mosque that I hope people actually want to attend.

I’ll have more details soon, but suffice it to say that HijabMan is due for an upgrade!

2. Moving. In a few short months, I’ll become a husband and a father. Just to make things a little more interesting, I’ll also be moving to the other side of the globe. All beautiful and challenging adventures!

3. Nursing School. On Tuesday, my clinical instructor evaluated my progress and praised the care I provided my patients. Within a month of school, I was cleared to give medications, and was taking care of a variety of patients. I cared for people with various Cancers, Liver Disease, and Quadriplegia— and while challenging, it was definitely fulfilling. I had a great first semester of nursing school. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I will have to discontinue my studies because of the move, but I wish my class all the best :)

HijabMan's Personal Approach To Islam (Work In Progress)

by HijabMan :: posted 5 October 09

“But as for those who strive hard in Our cause -We shall most certainly guide them onto paths that lead unto Us: for, behold, God is indeed with the doers of good.” (Qur’an 29:69)

Context/My Past

From a very early age, I was not satisfied with the way Islam was presented to me. In Islamic Sunday school it was spoken about in very concrete terms. Permissible/Forbidden. Wrong/Right.

This black-and-white way of approaching the religion was also coupled with stories from tradition. The Qur’an, the literal word of God, seemed to be only for reciting. I’ll run out of fingers if I count how many times I was told (and continue to be told) that I couldn’t possibly understand the Qur’an; that I shouldn’t even bother.

What we spoke about was mostly hadith, historical reports of what the Prophet Muhammad said and did. The conversations never applied to my daily life as an American Muslim teenager. And I felt a little bit insulted. Here I was looking for the Truth, the core of the religion, and all I was hearing was that because marshmallows contain gelatin, they are forbidden.

This did not appeal or make sense to me, and I struck out on my own. I finished a translation of the Qur’an, and read quite a bit of a translation of one volume of Bukhari’s hadith collection.

At the age of 16, I joined the Progressive Muslim listserv, headed at the time by Iranian-Canadian activist, Pedram Moallemian, and attended my first progressive Muslim conference, the “Islamic Hinterland.”

There I was introduced to Farid Esack, Amina Wadud, and Shabbir Akhtar, among others. After the conference I began reading their works as well as other prominent scholars seeking to view Islam in different lights. They all approached not just the Qur’an, but tradition and Islamic Law.

During college, I majored in Psychology, Middle Eastern Studies and took a few Women’s studies classes. I read Ahmed Ali’s translation of the Qur’an, and took courses with titles like, “Historical Construction of Sexuality in the Middle East, with Dr. Sima Fahid. I was also introduced to works of Basim Musallam, Khaled Abou El Fadl, Fazlur Rahman, Muhammad Abduh, and Shi’a thought as well. I also lived in Egypt around this time. My reading and experience traveling abroad gave me a pretty good idea of the spectrum of opinions and beliefs out there.

Throughout all of this time, my relationship with a more ‘traditional Islam’ was relatively non-existent except through arguments and debates with Muslims on-line. Though I couldn’t exactly define my own islam, I never bought the ideas I kept hearing in mainstream, Sunni mosques and Muslim Students’ Association events. Now, at the age of 27, I think I’m ready to put into words what my approach is. And how I deal with various things.

I. Core

A. Belief In One God. 2. Working For Good. 3. Certainty That I Will Be Judged.

God promises that whether one calls themselves a Jew, Christian, Muslim or Sabian (or anything really) there shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve (on the Day of Judgment) for those who do three things: Believe in one God, Work righteous deeds, and Are aware that they will be judged. This is specifically repeated twice in the Qur’an, and repeated in more general terms throughout the Qur’an.

“VERILY, those who have attained to faith [in this divine writ], as well as those who follow the Jewish faith, and the Christians, and the Sabians -all who believe in God and the Last Day and do righteous deeds-shall have their reward with their Sustainer; and no fear need they have, and neither shall they grieve.” (2:62, 5:69)

Besides that, God rejects notions of a certain ‘saved’ or ‘chosen’ people in Her Message in a number of Qur’anic verses. This also applies to Muslims.

And They claim, “None shall ever enter paradise unless he be a Jew” – or, “a Christian”. Such are their wishful beliefs! Say: “Produce an evidence for what you are claiming, if what you say is true!” Nay! whoever submits himself entirely to Allah and he is the doer of good (to others) he has his reward from his Lord, and there is no fear for him nor shall he grieve. (2:111-112)

It is quite clear to me that when God, in the Qur’an, refers to silly things that Christians and Jews do, that God is warning Muslims not to fall into the same trap. It is apparent that some have fallen into the same trap. God also warns that it is well within Her ability to replace a community with a better one:

Behold, [O believers,] it is you who are called upon to spend freely in God’s cause: but [even] among you are such as turn out to be niggardly! And yet, he who acts niggardly [in God’s cause] is but niggardly towards his own self: for God is indeed self-sufficient, whereas you stand in need [of Him]; and if you turn away [from Him], He will cause other people to take your place, and they will not be the likes of you! (47:38, See also: 70:36-44 and 76:24-30)

What I get from this is: if you are a darn good Jew, Muslim, Christian, or A Freelance Monotheist well, yeehaw! And if you are an individual who thinks you are ‘saved’ just because of the label you choose to identify yourself with, understand that the only promise we have been given is that we will be judged on whether or not we nourished our own souls by doing good for the earth.

B. Qur’an And Consciousness. Internal And External Compasses. “Will God be pleased with this?”

When I tell people about the Core described above, the first question they usually ask me is, “Well, what is Good? Isn’t it only the Qur’an and traditions of the Prophet that define good?” Some are uncomfortable with how open an idea that is, and wonder about how a malicious person could delude themselves into thinking that something is good when it is not.

For me, the answer lies in consciousness of God and my own internal compass.

As far as God is concerned. I think the point is to seek to do things that please God, and so before making a huge decision, or a decision which falls into a murky gray area, asking ourselves whether or not our action will please God. I think it is also important to pay attention to our moral compass.

“...By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it; And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right;- Truly he succeeds that purifies it, And he fails that corrupts it!” 91:7-10

To me, this says that our own soul knows the difference between wrong and right. And we should nourish our soul by doing the good, the right. By listening to our gut. And if that fails, we should ask ourselves whether God would be pleased with our actions.

II. The Qur’an/Other Revelations

A. Purpose Of The Qur’an/Purpose of Messengers Like Muhammad.

1. Purpose Of The Qur’an: I view the Qur’an (and other revelations) as simply a reminder and guidance for humankind, especially those who already believe [in One God]. A reminder of the revelations that came before it (e.g. Torah, Bible). In its own words,

“A Divine Writ has been bestowed from on high upon thee -and let there be no doubt about this in thy heart-in order that thou mayest warn thereby, and warn the believers: “Follow what has been sent down unto you by your Sustainer, and follow no masters other than Him. How seldom do you keep this in mind!” (7:2-3)

“And be constant in praying at the beginning and the end of the day, as well as during the early watches of the night: for, verily, good deeds drive away evil deeds: this is a reminder to all who bear [God] in mind.” (11:114)

“And [remember:] out of all the accounts relating to the [earlier] apostles We convey unto thee [only] that wherewith We [aim to] make firm thy heart: for through these [accounts] comes the truth unto thee, as well as an admonition and a reminder unto all believers.” (11:120)

Also see: 15:9, 21:7, 21:10, 21:24, 29:51, 32:22, 36:69-70, 38:49, 38:87, 43:44, 50:37, 68:52, 81:27, 73:19, 74:31, and the list goes on.

As it was revealed over 23 years, I also believe it to be a precedent for progress, an evolving document that pushes us towards realizing universal principles of justice and equality. No text is an island unto itself, and the Qur’an is no exception. The starting point is 600 AD tribal Arabia, an unjust society in need of the Message.

2. Muhammad/Other Messengers

The Prophet Muhammad like all other Prophets of God (peace be upon them all) was “only a reminder” (And so, remind them; you are only a reminder. (88:21)), and a “plain warner” (Say: “I am not the first of [God’s] apostles; and I do not know what will be done with me or with you: for I am nothing but a plain warner.” (46:9)). We are also told in the Qur’an that believers should not make any distinction between the Prophets of God.

“But as for those who believe in God and His apostles and make no distinction between any of them – unto them, in time, will He grant their rewards [in full]. And God is indeed much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace. (4:152) (Also see 2:285 and 3:84)

That is, no one Prophet is better than the other Prophets. They all called people to believe in God and do good. See Muhammad Asad’s note on verse 46:9:

“...I am not preaching anything that was not already preached by all of God’s apostles before me” (Razi and Baydawi): which coincides with the Quranic doctrine of the identity of the ethical teachings propounded by all of God’s prophets.”

B. Approach To The Qur’an

The Qur’an speaks of two kinds of verses in it. Some are basic principles, the core of it. Others are symbolic, or allegorical and only God knows their meaning. I choose to follow what I view as the principles in the Qur’an. With verses that I do not understand either because they contain symbolism, or because I was not there to see the context in which the verse was revealed, I try to reflect on the basic principle regarding the subject matter of the verse.

To put it simply, I’m more interested in the themes that rise off the page of the Qur’an, and the spirit of the injunctions, rather than a literal reading. The way God, in the Qur’an uses parables is evidence enough for me. To reiterate a point above, I believe it to be a precedent for progress, an evolving document that pushes us towards realizing universal principles of justice and equality.

III. Hadith Traditions

They are collections of sayings/actions of Muhammad transmitted through generations of people. I do not follow them as a religious source of law. I do not deny there are good pieces of wisdom in the traditions, but we cannot discount the fact that the people listening to Muhammad were living their own lives with their own sets of prejudices/biases/strengths/weaknesses, who chose to remember this or the other of what Muhammad said/did. Even if the chain of transmission is sound, we cannot discount the context of transmission and collection. I view them just as they are, historical reports of the past that may give us insight into what society was like back then.

IV. The Four/Five Schools Of Islamic Law (And Why I Don’t Follow Them)

There used to be over a hundred schools of Islamic Law. They used to vibrantly debate any and all things under the sun. Competing thoughts and outlooks were able to flourish. Simply put, when it comes to the Four Sunni Schools, they use four sources to determine legal rulings: 1. Qur’an. 2. Sunnah/Hadith 3. Consensus. 4. Analogy.

In the little I know about the Ja’fari Shi’a school, it seems they do away with the Analogy bit and use their Intellect (‘aql).

I generally don’t use legal rulings by Imams, Shaykhs, or Jurists in my approach. The average mosque usually preaches the exclusivity I spoke about up in the ‘core’ section. In my own life, I choose to reflect on basic principles in the Qur’an regarding the subject matter, my own moral compass, and my own intellect to make decisions.

While I respect those jurists who decide to delve into all sorts of rulings, analogies, and tried to come up with consensus (What consensus? Whose consensus? Can you name every person who was part of this so-called consensus?), I think they may have gone a little too far. Just take a look at the Purification section in “Reliance Of The Traveler: A Classical Manual On Islamic Sacred Law,” where the author tells us how to [legally] wipe our behinds:

“But it is obligatory to wash oneself with water if: (Skipping straight to 4) ...feces spread beyond the inner buttochs (N: meaning that which is enfolded when standing, or urine moved beyond the head of the penis, though if they do not pass beyond them, stones suffice.

“It is obligatory (N: when cleaning oneself with a dry substance alone) to both remove the filth and to wipe three times, even when once is enough to clean it, doing this either with three pieces (lit. “stones”) or three sides of one piece. If three times does not remove it, it is obligatory to (N: repeat it enough) to clean it away (O: as that is the point of cleaning oneself. skips down a bit An odd number of strokes is recommended. One should wipe from front to back on the right side with the first piece, similarly wipe the left with the second, and wipe both sides and the anus with the third. Each stroke must behind at the point on the skin that is free of impurity.” (pg. 78)

Frankly, and I mean no disrespect, I don’t think I need a jurist to tell me how to wipe my behind. Some people may think that makes me arrogant. I don’t think so, I just think the extreme detail to which this occurs is absurd. Don’t make me quote from the rest of the 1200-some pages.

The Qur’an tells a great (and relevant story) of how Moses related to his people that God wanted them to sacrifice a cow. Instead of sacrificing the cow, they made it harder for themselves by mocking Moses, asking questions like “Hey Moses, why don’t you, ummm, go ask your God what color the cow should be?” I believe it provides a clear example of how present day discussions about Islamic Law are completely miss the point of God’s reminder to follow the universal principles of being a good person. Muhammad Asad’s note regarding the verses is particularly apt. First, the story from the Qur’an:

“And Lo! Moses said unto his people: “Behold, God bids you to sacrifice a cow.”
They said: “Dost thou mock at us?” He answered: “I seek refuge with God against being so ignorant!”
Said they: “Pray on our behalf unto thy Sustainer that He make clear to us what she is to be like.”
[Moses] replied: “Behold, He says it is to be a cow neither old nor immature, but of art age in-between. Do, then, what you have been bidden!”
Said they: “Pray on our behalf unto thy Sustainer that He make clear to us what her colour should be.”
[Moses] answered: “Behold; He says it is to be a yellow cow, bright of hue, pleasing to the beholder.”
Said they: “Pray on our behalf unto thy Sustainer that He make clear to us what she is to be like, for to us all cows resemble one another; and then, if God so wills, we shall truly be guided aright!”
[Moses] answered: “Behold, He says it is to be a cow not broken-in to plough the earth or to water the crops, free of fault, without
markings of any other colour.”
Said they: “At last thou hast brought out the truth!”-and thereupon they sacrificed her, although they had almost left it undone.” (2:67-71)

Muhammad Asad’s note:

“*I.e., their obstinate desire to obtain closer and closer definitions of the simple commandment revealed to them through Moses had made it almost impossible for them to fulfill it. In his commentary on this passage; Tabari quotes the following remark of Ibn ‘Abbas: “If [in the first instance] they had sacrificed any cow chosen by themselves, they would have fulfilled their duty; but they made it complicated for themselves, and so God made it complicated for them.” A similar view has been expressed, in the same context, by Zamakhshari. It would appear that the moral of this story points to an important-problem of all (and, therefore, also of Islamic) religious jurisprudence: namely, the inadvisability of trying to elicit additional details in respect of any religious law that had originally been given in general terms-for, the more numerous and multiform such details become, the more complicated and rigid becomes the law. This point has been acutely grasped by Rashid Rida’, who says in his commentary on the above Qur’anic passage (see Mandr I, 345 f.): “Its lesson is that one should not pursue one’s [legal] inquiries in such a way as to make laws more complicated …. This was how the early generations [of Muslims] visualized the problem. They did not make things complicated for themselves-and so, for them, the religious law (drn) was natural, simple and liberal in its straight forwardness. But those who came later added to it [certain other] injunctions which they had deduced by means of their own reasoning (iftihdd); and they multiplied those [additional] injunctions to such an extent that the religious law became a heavy burden on the community.”

IV. On “Islam Is A Way Of Life.” (And How They Get It Wrong)

If you walk into your average mosque, you’ll hear, “Islam is a way of life!” And then they’ll go on to tell you how to snort water all the way up your nose to make ablutions properly. They see Islam as a way of life in the “It-Tells-You-How-To-Do-Everything!” kind-of way. I don’t see it that way.

For me, “Islam is a way of life” relates to being a champion for ALL good, just causes on Earth. There is no separation between my islam and fighting for gender/environmental justice, closing the gap between rich/poor, taking care of my body, etc. To quote from the definition of progressive islam, I believe in “an expression of islam that places socio-economic, gender and environmental justice at its core. The concerns of the privileged or the dominant classes are not the primary subject of progressive islam; its focus is on those who have become “objects of exploitation by governments, socio-economic institutions and unequal relationships”, in the words of the Qur’an; those who had been marginalized (aradhil, Q. 11:27; 26:70; 22:5) or downtrodden in the earth (mustad`afun fi’l-ard, Q. 4:97; 8:26). The declaration describes the mustad`afun fi’l-ard as “those individuals and groups who, for no wilful reason of their own, find themselves pushed to the edges of society to live in conditions of social, political and economic oppression.”

This is the kind of islam I want to teach my kids. Not a mosque-Islam (though it would be nice to have a community!) or a ritual-based Islam, but a representative-of-God-on-Earth islam (See 2:30). There is no distinction between eating healthy/exercising and our duties as a muslim. Why? Because it is God who gave me this

“body on loan, from the time between my mom and some maggots.” – Ani Difranco, MY IQ

So for me, eating organic and buying fair trade is part of my faith. Being against large corporations who treat animals horribly or use factory farms is part of my faith. Education? Part of my faith. Fighting stereotypes and discrimination is too. We are supposed to be God’s vicegerents, we have a duty to take care of ourselves, the people on earth, the earth itself, and everything on it. By doing these things, I believe we nourish our own souls, and succeed in life.

V. Examples.

A. Not taking specific Qur’anic injunctions literally. Using the principles behind them as a precedent for progress.

Example 1: The Qur’an tells us to give our daughters half the inheritance of our sons. 1400 years ago, when the Qur’an was revealed, when burying your daughters was the norm, I believe this was a radical notion. A radical step in the movement towards full equality. My daughter/son will get equal shares of my inheritance.

Example 2: The Qur’an does not forbid slavery outright. It does not encourage it either, however. God through the Qur’an went about it (over those 23 years it was revealed) by connecting the freeing of slaves with the idea of good deeds and seeking God’s pleasure. Another radical notion for its time, and something we still have not realized fully.

Example 3: God tells us to abstain from food and drink from sunrise to sunset during the month of Ramadan. If we followed this literally, the Muslims of Alaska would starve to death during the Ramadan in the summer, when they have 24-hours of sunlight. This is another example of how Qur’anic injunctions can be contextual. It wasn’t revealed in Alaska!

Example 4: Many like to quote a verse that appears to allow the beating of one’s wife if she does some sort of indecent act. It is the only one of its kind, and Muslims and Non-Muslims alike have discussed the verse over and over. Just google Qur’an, 4:34. Like stated before, I like to take principle and spirit of the Qur’an over specific injunctions, as we do not know the full context of any specific verse.

What I can say is this, the spirit that rises off the page when I read the Qur’an encourages harmony between spouses:

“And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind. so that you might incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!” (30:21)

“...they are as a garment for you, and you are as a garment for them. “ (2:187)

Even in divorce, God reminds men to check themselves, and be kind to their ex-partners, and not to stay with them to make their lives hell. It also tells men to provide for women that they divorce.

And so, when you divorce women and they are about to reach the end of their waiting-term, then either retain them in a fair manner or let them go in a fair manner. But do not retain them against their will in order to hurt [them]: for he who does so sins indeed against himself. And do not take [these] messages of God in a frivolous spirit; and remember the blessings with which God has graced you, and all the revelation and the wisdom which He has bestowed on you from on high in order to admonish you thereby; and remain conscious of God, and know that God has full knowledge of everything. (2:231)

And the divorced women, too, shall have [a right to] maintenance in a goodly manner: this is a duty for all who are conscious of God. (2:241)

Therefore, I reject any interpretation of any verse that seems to allow violence or acting like an idiot against one’s partner, as it is clearly against the spirit of “love and tenderness” found in the Qur’an.

VI. Criticisms/FAQ

1. “The verses you quote have been abrogated by the verse 3:85! Which says that Islam is the only accepted religion! See?!

“And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers!” (3:85)

Answer: First, many folks who push an exclusive vision of this verse never bother to translate the Arabic word “Islam” (see Notes below for a quick discussion). A more accurate rendering (see Muhammad Asad’s translation) is:

“For, if one goes in search of a religion other than self-surrender unto God, it will never be accepted from him, and in the life to come he shall be among the lost.” – 3:85

More from Muhammad Asad: the root-verb aslama, “he surrendered himself” -means “self-surrender [to God]”: and it is in this sense that the terms islam and muslim are used throughout the Qur’an.

Second, the theory of abrogation, among other things is contested. To state it simply there is a wide spectrum of opinions on all matters relating to ‘Islam.’ For a discussion on the theory of abrogation and the various opinions concerning it, check Khaled Abou El Fadl’s, The Place Of Tolerance in Islam (100-101). Personally, I have a hard time believing that God would ‘take back’ a promise stated several times in the Qur’an.

2. Verse 3:7, which explains the two kinds of verses in the Qur’an has been used by people to push all sorts of ideas. Why should I follow your interpretation of that?

You don’t. I’m well aware of the many ways you could interpret the verse. The point of this is just to share with you my approach to religion. Asghar Ali Engineer also splits Qur’anic verses into two groups. He refers to them as ‘contextual’ and ‘normative.’

3. What about all those scholars out there who are trying to either reinterpret or push for a rigorous understanding of Islamic Law, like Tariq Ramadan, or Khaled Abou El Fadl, or the countless others?

I respect them tremendously. I think they do amazing work, but I don’t believe most people have access to their ideas. Most folks go to some old uncle-imam get a ‘fatwa’ and call it a day. It just isn’t my battle, as a lay-person. While I enjoy reading and listening to their points of view, I as a lay-person do not have the tools necessary to rate their scholarship. And so I choose to actively engage with the revelation and God on my own—- while being open to the ideas of others, and learning about how the Qur’an speaks to them.

VII. How I’d describe myself.

If I make a sincere effort to be a good person, I trust that God will guide me. After all, doesn’t God say so clearly,
وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
“Waladheena jahadu feena la nahdiyannhum subulna”? (29:69)

Translation:
“But as for those who strive hard in Our cause -We shall most certainly guide them onto paths that lead unto Us: for, behold, God is indeed with the doers of good.”

It is enough to bring tears to my eyes and lower my head in awe.

(Just in case you were wondering): M. Asad’s note (and Farid Esack has mentioned this in one of his book’s as well) [Lit., “Our paths”The plural used here is obviously meant to stress the fact – alluded to often in the Quran – that there are many paths, which lead to a cognizance (marifah) of God.]

It just seems that now we’re trying so hard to find the ‘true’ meaning of everything. Truth is relative. Morality is relative. There are very few black and white things in life. I seek to be a muslim (literally, someone who surrenders [to God]). Someone who is a representative of God in all aspects of life.

This morning, for instance, I failed at my duty as vicegerent. I saw this mangled up ladder in the highway, and I just drove past, instead of slowing, stopping, getting out of my car, and moving it. I should have stopped.

The point is that we are all in various stages of being consistent with our approaches. I am at peace with my approach, but I am not at peace with my lack of consistency and actually doing whatever I can to live the approach I have. By virtue of being God conscious, I should be people, environment, health, etc. conscious. And in doing so, I hope to nourish my own soul.

VIII. Notes

1. Common Misunderstanding. The Arabic word for God, is Al-lah. It literally means, “The God.”

2. Capital I verses lower case i Islam/islam. You’ll notice that I used a capital I when referring to the modern notion of Islam. The capital I, Islam. I see this Islam as man-made. The Islam that people don’t like to translate. I would say that I seek to follow the religion of islam, or surrender. Not the Islam that includes man-made “Islamic Law.”

3. He/She gender pronouns for God. God created gender. I use both pronouns to disturb the mental image of a masculine figure in my head.

May God Grant Us All Peace.

So of course I said 'YES'!

by HijabMan :: posted 4 October 09

HijabMan’s Note: This Is A Guest Post By Future Mrs. HijabMan

Talk about coming out of nowhere; falling from the sky; turning up at the doorstep. Literally. I was enjoying life as a single mother. In this well regulated country, everything is predictable. Thus my daily routine of daycare drop-off – work – daycare pickup – dinner was timed to perfection. I know how fast to bike between traffic lights because I’ve memorized the timings of the lights. Bike too fast along this stretch and I would be wasting my energy as I’d have to wait at the upcoming red light anyway. Bike too slowly along the next stretch and I would have to waste precious minutes waiting for another cycle of lights to give me the green-GO. I also know that the timings vary depending on time-of-day and also day-of-week (yes, I’m a bit neurotic like that).

So I wasn’t quite prepared for what was about to unfold when I offered my apartment for the use of Hijabman, who was hired to photograph a mutual friend’s wedding. He actually arrived to an empty apartment as I was out of town for a conference and my daughter was with my parents. But the (in hindsight, Mission Impossible-like) note I left him, as well as previous instructions and accompanying directional photos, caught his attention. And he caught mine.

Being with Hijabman feels ‘comfortable’ – I’m happy to see him acting like a toddler when goofing around with my own toddler, and easily switching to a more responsible and authoritative figure when she starts on one of her tantrums; I’m delighted that he has no problems blending into the fabric of my larger family makeup; I’m ecstatic to find that it’s easy for me to fit into his own vibrant and decidedly ‘normal’ larger family dynamic.

Cue title: So of course I said ‘YES’! when Hijabman asked me to marry him. I’ve been on Cloud9 over the past week – meeting his family, getting engaged. Now I’m back amidst the reality of life and responsibilities at home, sans-Hijabman. But this feels very right. It feels permanent. And maybe it’s premature to be introducing myself so early. After all, we’re not yet married – anything could happen. But it does feel like Hijabman is here to stay. So we’ll be continuing our long distance romance for awhile until the rest of the pieces fall into place. In the meantime, do wish us well.

And readers… it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance =)

— The Future Mrs. HijabMan

I Asked Her To Marry Me

by HijabMan :: posted 4 October 09

Six months ago

After a 30-hour plane journey ending at midnight, I enter an empty apartment in a country I’ve never been. Inside I find a welcome note, a bus ticket, a cell phone, a subway pass, a toothbrush, a towel, and vegetable soup in the fridge.

Despite my general dislike for soup. The soup is exactly what I need. The vegetables are perfectly cut and perfectly cooked.

I feel sexier than James Bond.

Two months ago

I’m with the female tenant of that same apartment, and her child. We’ve just come from a day out and our bags are heavy. The child decides to have a tantrum, and within seconds, I hold all of the bags and enable mom to discipline/restrain her child.

“I’m supposed to be here.” I think to myself.

Two weeks ago

She’s in my apartment. I’m making her baked tandoori chicken and a salad with fresh mozzarella. She likes it, though says it may be a bit on the spicy side.

One week ago

We’re in Tyler State Park, on a foot-bridge crossing a stream. She’s feeling kind of ill, but humors me, and lets me take her ‘hiking’ for the last hour of sunlight. I have a ring in my pocket, and am praying that I don’t drop it in the water.

“Hey, look! There’s a deer!” (Real smooth, I know).
“Umm, I’m not looking. There is no deer, Hijabman.” She says with a smile.

She humors me again and turns around so I can get on one knee.
She turns back around and listens as I propose, and responds with a “Yes, of course, I’ll marry you!”

I suddenly realize there is a jogger standing behind me, waiting to pass.

“Congratulations! Sorry for interrupting, at least you have a witness now!”

A little less than a week ago

We’re dancing in my parents’ house with flower necklaces on, surrounded by family. It’s time to eat cake.

Two days ago

I’m giving her a hug before she steps through security and gets pulled aside for a random bag check. See you soon, cantik-al!

Book Suggestion For Couples

Susan Piver’s “The Hard Questions”

I know I haven't posted in a while.

by HijabMan :: posted 3 September 09

Sit tight. The beginning of nursing school, being sickly without insurance, and a whole lot of stuff happened in Singapore. I even found a corporate-sponsored mosque. Wild.

I may start video-blogging since it’ll be easier… more this weekend

Love
HM

ps. I love mangosteens.

Happy Birthday, Pakistan

by HijabMan :: posted 15 August 09

HijabMan’s Note: This is a Guest post by my brother-in-law, Angrez (Bio coming soon)

Independence day is naturally the time when many nations take stock – what have we achieved and where are we going? Today, I am not in the mood to recount Pakistan’s numerous problems and deficiencies; that is done daily throughout the year. I am going to use this one day to remember something else.

I remember my mother telling me how, as a little girl of perhaps 4 years, she had escaped to Pakistan from Hyderabad Deccan with her family. A year after partition, India had invaded Hyderabad State in an operation known as “police action,” so the country would finally be absorbed into the Indian Union. My grandfather was the state mechanical engineer and had been asked by the Indians to bear false witness against the Prime Minister of Hyderabad, which he refused to do. The result was house arrest. The children and my grandmother were allowed out with an army escort. The details of how my grandfather escaped are unclear but the children were sitting in the cinema one day when their uncle told them to follow him quietly out. This was the beginning of their journey to Pakistan. I can’t help but wonder whether they broke into song (or should I say ghazals), like (soon-to-be Pakistani) von Trapps. They arrived at the border with East Pakistan where they had to change trains. As they walked along the platform an announcement was made that the family had escaped from Hyderabad and any sightings should be reported to the police. The fear that this caused is firmly ingrained in my mother’s memory. The family was able to catch the train across the border and went around the Indian coast by sea, until they reached Karachi.

This is not even close to the harrowing experiences of other refugees who walked to India or Pakistan and whose family members faced rape, murder and robbery. But it is a story that reminds me how easy my own life has been in Britain and the US. The most daring thing I have ever done is to cross the UN-monitored border between the Greek and Turkish sections of Cyprus, with a British passport. It also reminds me of how far Pakistan has come from being an underdeveloped section of the British Empire, with such a difficult birth, to a nation bursting with talent. Despite the rigors of living under inept leaders, its people continue to make films and dramas, sing about love and God, run charities like the Edhi Foundation and drive the economy through industries that were non-existent before 1947. Pakistanis are not more or less capable than anyone else and their past is a testament to that fact. Their future can be also.

At A Rest Stop Between Kuala Lumpur And Penang

by HijabMan :: posted 7 August 09

I’ve just eaten two chicken-filled paus, and now we’re back on the road to Penang after an exciting, four-day adventure in Kuala Lumpur.

On Monday night we hung out at the Curve and ate at an up-scale restaurant called The Apartment that tried its best to look as down-scale as possible. It is A.‘s birthday in a few days, so I secretly ordered some apple crumble for her… and we had a little celebration.

On Tuesday, we headed to FRIM, the Forest Research Institute Of Malaysia, where we hiked up to a canopy walk, enjoyed the view, and then settled down near a waterfall for lunch and the most pleasurable shower I’ve ever had (under the waterfall).

While walking, we encountered some beautiful butterflies, a shiny blue bug that resembled an arachnid, and a stick bug. Stick bugs are definitely my favorite, just because, THEY LOOK LIKE STICKS.

Later that evening, we drove to Cyber Jaya, where we met up with Dr. Amina Wadud for some warmth, smiles, and smoothies! The last time we had a nice sit-down was back in 1999, when I was 16 years old. Besides praying behind her with KufiGirl, we hadn’t had a chance for a sit down till now.

From there, we drove into KL for a meal of squid, stingray, and mackerel. I’m not the biggest fan of squid, and this was my first time eating stingray, but man—- barbecued plates of that stuff with veggies and drinks for 7 people for only $3.00 a person?

Forget The Apartment. I have my own!

Wednesday: Let’s just say you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

I’m leaving for the US on tomorrow, but not before I go hiking and play squash in Penang, eat one more peanut and corn Ais Kacang in Singapore, and sing Allahu-Allahu to a three-year-old.

The Silent Lovers

by HijabMan :: posted 3 August 09

If you do deeds of charity openly, it is well; but if you bestow it upon the needy in secret, it will be even better for you, and it will atone for some of your bad deeds. And God is aware of all that you do. – Qur’an 2:271*

Walking around the Clementi MRT station a few nights ago, I saw a woman setting down plastic bags with Tupperware containers full of food and water for the cats that roam in and around the void decks of the apartment buildings around here.

The cats gathered around, purring and rubbing their scent all over her as she set out their food silently. They ate while she watched, and when their bellies were full she picked up the bags and walked back to the elevator, presumably to her apartment on one of the floors above.

I paused for a moment and smiled to myself before walking home.

A couple years ago I told you about another lover I found in Philadelphia:

“Stopped at a red light near Halal Bilal’s “Steak and Take” in Germantown, I was minding my own business. The driver of the car in front of me looked as though he accidentally dropped a rectangular card out of his window.

Within moments, he opened his car door, and stepped out— revealing that he was in a clown suit. Without so much as a glance in my direction, he bent down to pick up the card that he dropped, got back in his car and drove off as the light turned green.

As he was picking up the card, I saw that it had one word on it in black marker:

“OOPS!”

To this day, I have never come across anything more perfectly executed. It was comedy for the sake of comedy. Art for the sake of art. Beauty for the sake of beauty.”

It is these moments, these people, that help me wash away my worldly anxieties about life and my future. They remind me that what matters is not what you do or give in the world, as long as you do it with love— love of people, animals, ideals, or the earth.

Thank you to the lovers that no one sees or hears about, the lovers that give us hope.

*Also see Maimonides 8 levels of charity

A Belated Father's Day

by HijabMan :: posted 27 July 09

HijabMan’s Note: After he read a draft, he didn’t want me to post it— quote: “It makes me sound like a saint, beta.” While my father is not a saint, I believe he tried to do the best he could with the resources he had. He is obviously one of the (two) reasons I am here. As I’m contemplating fatherhood myself [how’s that for a teaser?], I find myself thinking about things that he repeatedly said to me when I was a child. I hope he forgives me for posting it.

On Father’s Day weekend, I was in Indianapolis photographing a wedding. While I would’ve loved to be with my father, it was wonderful being surrounded by the bride and groom’s family. Praise God, I made a good impression, and by the end of it, the mother-of-the-bride joked that I should stay and be adopted.

Fathima’s post made me reflect on my own relationship with my father. Whenever I do so, I always think of one moment in our history together— when we were in Mecca. I was twelve years old, kneeling beside him near the station of Abraham after we had just prayed our formal prayers. I looked up at him while he made the customary supplications after formal prayer, and watched as a look of humility ran across his face. His eyes were closed, and he was pleading with his Creator. A tear rolled down his face.

That was the only tear I’ve ever seen from his eyes.

If there is one person on earth who can bring me to tears, it is my father. The look of sincerity on his face has always hit me deep. Despite that, I was a pretty rebellious teenager, because I didn’t understand the love he and my mother felt for me, as parents.

When I was 15, and not cooperating when he tried to help me with trigonometry homework, he first responded with frustration. His frustration melted away soon, and that same look washed over his face, “Come on, beta, just try!”

With that, I lost it. Tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t help but to try. Despite all of my protests, despite all of my rebellions, if I see that look on his face… I melt.

Once I asked him about love. And he referred to a very basic form of love, where you could never do something to harm your loved one because you couldn’t bear to see the pain in that person’s face. I think that is the way I feel about my family. There were days when I was the worst kid, putting petroleum jelly on all the door knobs in the house, and writing profanity on the walls of my room. The profanity marked the walls for almost four years. I never asked my parents why they let me keep it up. But I think it was a very wise thing to do. Within a few weeks, I grew ashamed. My conscience wouldn’t let me forget and soon I put posters over those angry writings.

Four years later, as I was preparing to leave for college, I found my father silently painting over those words. He was about to uncover the parts I wrote about him, when I took the paint roller from him.

Today, I saw that same sincerity and humility on my father’s face, and today, it was I who was pleading with God. And it was I who found tears streaming down my face.

May God reward my father for showing me, over the course of my 27 years, how to be a good man. I only hope I can accomplish what he has. Thanks for the inspiration, dad.

To the dads, a belated father’s day.

[Image above is of my niece, TNT, the day she was born]

It Isn't A Matter Of If, It Is A Matter Of When... (But I Love My Ais Kacang!)

by HijabMan :: posted 20 July 09

...that’s what a cardiologist recently told me about the possibility of my arteries getting clogged. From what I understand, us South Asian men have a tendency to have narrow blood vessels. On top of that, heart disease and diabetes run in my family.

So on a recent trip to the hospital, the fast-talking, joke-cracking cardiologist told me that I could only hope for delaying the inevitable. While his job is to scare me, it is hard not to believe him. So I asked him for a daily regimen to delay the onset of heart disease by twenty years.

This is what he had to say:

1. No junk food. Period.
2. 8 Glasses of water per day
3. Walk at least 3 miles per day
4. Eat at least 4 fruits and vegetables each day
5. No eating after 6 PM

But I love my Peanut And Corn Ais Kacang! See my in-another-world-expression (not to be confused with the constipated expression).

While I think this is do-able where I live in the US, my month-long stint in Singapore has me craving healthy food. Hawker stalls abound here with convenient, cheap food. The only problem is that it consists of 100% Fried Crap. Anyone know of healthy, reasonably priced food places near the Clementi MRT stop in Singapore?

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