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100 Things About HijabMan

by HijabMan :: posted 6 June 06

100 things about hijabman, part 1 of 2

1. I used to work for Bernard Lewis’ girlfriend. Yes, I know Bernard Lewis is an old man. Yes, he has a girlfriend. Yes, she liked me and the work I did. Yes, I quit that job.
2. I’m the youngest of 3 children. My sister is 7 years older, my brother is a decade older. I was a spoiled child. I’d like to think I’ve changed a bit.
3. For the most part, I’m pretty shy, unless I’m in my “HijabMan” mode or with people I know, in which case I’m super silly. It also depends on where I am. For instance while in Damascus I shyed away from many social situations, especially with those who speak English.
4. I traveled to Mecca all alone without a hotel reservation, with all of my belongings at the time. I stayed there for 10 days. It was all due to a man I never met who got the Saudi Embassy in Cairo to write a letter saying I was cool.
5. While in Mecca, I met the brother of a famous Muslim boxer, and he invited me up to the top floor suite in the Mecca Hilton, it was a quite luxurious, but I have to say I preferred my 35-Riyal a night room with air conditioning and a fridge.
6. According to Johny, the Manager of Euro Deli in Cairo, I eat there free. For life. Except when he’s not there.
7. My life, Praise be to God, has gotten better every single day since I was 14. With a few exceptions.
8. I love fresh fruit juice. it’s one of my favorite things about traveling in the Middle East. I also love being able to get books for cheap.
9. I used to iron my homework as a kid, because I was embarassed when turning it in wrinkled. I also have a burn scar from trying to iron my homework.
10. I derive great pleasure from cracking all the joints in my hands.
11. I love the face people make when, with a large balloon hat on, I greet them.
12. I highly suggest buying a big bag of sweet, juicy oranges and handing them out to strangers. It’s an easy way to make friends, and even if you don’t make any friends, the smiles you receive will have you feeling high. Priceless. I was even proposed to by an old Egyptian woman after I threw one to her.
13. I would love to own and run an organic farm, and eat from it, and not have to buy food.
14. I’ve always dreamed of a “Believers” co-op house, full of laid back, but Believing, and practicing monotheists.
15. I can be a really arrogant prick at times.
16. Sometimes I dream with a narrator describing the events in the dream.
17. I’ve always wanted an MRI of my brain. I may do it somewhere abroad cause it’s cheap.
18. When I look in the mirror, I don’t believe what I see. I haven’t for the last 10 years.
19. Ahmed Brand Tea with some buckwheat honey and soy milk makes me happy
20. Some of my favorite places on Earth (so far) are the New White Desert, Egypt, Dahab, Egypt, Northern Maine.
21. My preferred mode of travel is bicycle, or vegetable-oil powered car.
22. My sister-in-law paid for me to get a pedicure and manicure after insisting that “women like men who take care of themselves.” I’d be lying if I said that was my last.
23. I could eat breakfast at any time of day. My preferred breakfast is a big bowl of cereal topped with soy milk and bananas covered in peanut butter. Though pancakes, waffles, etc also work. Or anything from Walker Bros.
24. I’ve been questioned by Egyptian police thrice. The first time they accused me of being drunk after stopping my cab (uhh, tea with mint, anyone?). The second time was in Khan al-Khalili,, after I brushed a police officer off, thinking he was just some goober trying to sell me a tacky belly-dancing outfit, or stuffed alligator. The third was 2 days after the second, and I ended up in one of those dark blue police vehicles sitting in between 4 guys who taunted me as we drove to the police station in Maadi. I bet they would’ve released me sooner if I had shown them photos of me in a balloon hat, huh?
25. There has been only one wedding I’ve attended that I’ve really enjoyed- and that was AzamHussain’s
26 .My average bowling score ranges from 120-140, but I think I could do better.
27. I haven’t ever lived with just men. It’s always been a mixed group, until now. Some of my fellow Muslims (and even co-Believers) may look down upon that, but I prefer being in mixed company. If was living with a bunch of women right now, my kitchen in Damascus wouldn’t have looked like a disaster area.
28. I’m a minimalist for the most part, though I’d prefer to have a computer and digital camera in my life.
29. I’d really like to learn bicycle and car maintenance. Could someone teach me?
30. I believe my life is part of one big joke, but the only one to blame is me.
31. Sometimes I wish I majored in a technical or business field so I could have a stable income, a wife, 2 kids, and an apartment in the city where I could host dinner/dance parties.
32. I might still do that, because I’m just a tad bit tired of money issues. Or find myself a Khadija.
33. I feel like I haven’t been productive in my life, ie: I’m having a quarter life crisis
34. While most of my life has been about brain work, I really enjoy making things I can touch with my hands. Unfortunately I’ve only had a couple of jobs like that. Of those, my favorite was making and decorating icecream cakes. Whirling that cake plate had a bit of a whirling dervish feel to it, I must say
35. Toe socks work for about a day, and then they are stifling.
36. In the very early version of this site, I had a “marriage application,” and I received applications from all over the world. I was 15 back then.
37. You won’t find me wearing anything with a name displayed on it except HijabMan stuff, of course.
38. I watched this film with family members (I hear you laughing), and it was only mildly uncomfortable
39. When in doubt of what icecream to eat, I will almost always go for the Chocolate icecream topped with strawberry sauce and whipped cream. Three colors, Three flavors. I call it harmony.
40. As a kid (and even as an adult) I would walk into the bathroom at my parents house late at night (making sure the ventilation fan was on) and doing a silent comedy routine and/or sermon.
41. When I let things slip past, and things pile up, I get depressed, and put off everything. It’s something I work on.
42. Once I was offered Egyptian Sex at 10 pm walking in shady parts of Cairo. My response? La’ Aiz cartoons bil fus7a No. I want cartoons in Modern Standard Arabic.
43. Sometimes I just can’t help myself… and when I hear a nice song, I have to dance, whether I’m sitting down, lounging, or standing up. If I’m in public, I try to hold it in, but when you hold in a smile it almost hurts.
44. My first approach to Islam is “It’s about God, not about marshmallows.”
45. My second approach is “Believe and do Good, because you are working for your own soul, and by working for your own soul, you are working for God, and vice versa.
46. My third approach is part of doing good is prayer, charity, and fasting regularly.
46.5. Get the idea?
47. I’d rather have daughters than sons. Today I attended Friday prayer at the Umayyad mosque. I counted about 10 fathers alone with their daughters, praying next to them, and all seeming to have a great time.
48. I was interviewed for Zarqa Nawaz’s documentary, Mosque and Me but I was cut, because I suck .
49. I helped create this documentary. my real name is in the credits. It’s good, you should watch it.
50. I really live for being squashed while standing in a bus in Cairo or Damascus. It’s my favorite [cheapest] transportation. I live more for giving up my seat to an older woman so she’ll smile with me. If I’m ever sad, all I need to do is ride a crowded bus there and smile with an old lady—then everything in my world is okay again.

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