Bio-Data Construction For Dummies

Ahh, the matrimonial Bio Data. A one sheet paper or electronic document with any information you wish to include. Whatever the contents, though, the goal is the same: a wife like Aishwarya (Note: Sorry boys ) You’ll see aunties swapping them at Muslim Singles’ “Banquets,” you’ll see glossy, you’ll see quality card stock. They are sort of like resumes, but they tell you even less. You can get them in matte, and you can even get them printed on light green textured paper for that slightly professional look. I’ve even seen a few laminated ones. Others go the whole nine with glow-in-the-dark in the hopes that a lovely lady will be reading their Bio Data over and over in the silence of the night…

You may wonder what my expertise is in this field so allow me to explain that I did indeed have a Muslim Personals section on this site, and I frequent Muslim gatherings. As you can imagine, I come across hundreds of these things. So I allow me to present to you:

The Top 5 Mistakes That People Make When Constructing a Bio Data.

1. Naming the Bio Data biodata.doc. How many women do you think will open a document like that knowing that it’s a pre-typed, half-assed Bio Data that you’ve sent to hundreds of people? Sure, the general premise is that it actually will be sent to hundreds of women, but you cannot make it look like that!

2. Listing other peoples virtues. They mention so many details about their families that it could be a biodata for them! The women who are out there probably don’t care who your mother played Scrabble with on Sundays.

3. Printing it out on a shoddy deskjet from 1996 that makes their faces into horrible digital sketches that look more like they are from sex offender listings. That’s just wrong.

4 Using adjectives “good,” “nice,” and “decent.” Unless you are trying to indicate that most other people are not good, not nice, and indecent… Actually, even then, they still don’t want to hear from you. (Thanks Garia)

4.5 Describing yourselves as “sober.” Are you trying to indicate that you aren’t a drunk? Why?

5. Including a preference for your future wife’s skin color. Oh, and while we’re on the subject, “wheatish” is not a skin tone. Neither is light wheatish, medium wheatish, or dark wheatish. No, Olive Wheatish doesn’t count either. Stop hiding behind the grains, you fools.

To drive these points home, as well as to provide further guidance when it comes to Bio Data, I have decided to [shamelessly] put up a sample [of my] Bio Data.

Was that laughter I just heard?

Shutup your mouth. Before I thump you.