MailBag: A Romance With The Qur'an, How Would You Respond?

by HijabMan :: posted 13 March 09

Update From HM: Both my father AND sister have responded in the comments, I’ve posted them @ the bottom of the blog for your convenience

As a well-known American Muslim blogger with left-leaning politics and ideas, it isn’t uncommon for me to receive e-mails like the one I got from Maura.

_”.... your site gave me my first real hint that Islam is not inherently patriarchal and conservative (“halal for me means sweatshop free”), an idea that I had previously dismissed.

Err, well, now I’m somehow compelled to lay my burdens down, hoping that you won’t feel obligated to pick them up but maybe to just visually estimate them.

Last year, KufiGirl recommended that I write to you while I was undergoing a spiritual crisis in which I went from being an atheist to being a believer (of some sort). At that time, I had been overpowered by an unexpected romance with the Qur’an that didn’t necessarily offer clarity.

I still haven’t totally converted, because I hate the idea of going back on it, and I am still full of doubt and concern at the idea of joining the Muslim world. I’m a very logical and critical person on the one hand, and a person of intense mysticist tendencies on the other. Also, I’m a rather hard core leftist/activist.

I have to say that I cannot really relate to most of the Muslims I come across online or in person. I feel like the things many Muslims are obsessed with are distractions from what would seem more authentic expressions of Islam. To me Islam is a faith that would lead one to work towards justice, toward compassion, towards fearlessness of all but God. I don’t see many Muslims around me doing that or even considering it, and it makes me wonder if I’m reading things wrong, if I’m getting too liberal in my interpretations.

I’ve read a lot of books on Islam by now, and I’ve read the Qur’an. I still don’t know much. I’ve prayed 5x a day for a few months and then let the call to prayer pass unheeded for several months. I fasted a lonely and harrowing month of Ramadan. I feel no sense of peace or settling, though it wouldn’t be accurate to say I haven’t grown spiritually. But this whole process has been painful. Sometimes I think if God meant for me to be Muslim, God would make it a little easier on me.

Do you know of any vibrant online communities or classes or email lists that might be able to offer me support and/or insight while not expecting me to eat meat, don a scarf, pine for a return to the days of the Prophet, divorce my husband (in favor of a Muslim one) or adhere to strict separation of the sexes? I need help keeping my heart in the right place, I think.

Even if you don’t have any thoughts on what I’ve written, I’m very grateful for your ear….”_

I’ve already responded to Maura (and will post my response later), but how would you respond? On a related note, a HijabMan forum is due out soon, so that we can build a vibrant online community!

***

Featured comments

From My Dad: Hello Maura,

I am 67 years old and was born a Muslim. I have read on Christianity, Judaism, and Hinduism …a little bit of Buddhism. As a young man I was in the same boat that you are in; struggling to come to terms with what Muslims practiced and preached, the conflicts. To some degree I am still where the real Islam is — the one that was sent down with Muhammad. One of the prayers in the Quran goes like this: “Oh my Sustainer enter me in the entrance of truth and provide me with the exit of truth. And provide me from your presence a power of help. Oh my God, there is no knowledge for us except what You teach us.”

I have used this prayer for the last 10 years and it seems that fog is beginning to lift. What I see right now is that the religions that humans practice today are what I would call MYTHOLOGY that over the years “we” have invented. Fortunately, we Muslims have an original book that has been preserved — I am sure of it because if changes had been made the Quran read in Indonesia would be different than what is read in Egypt. As such, it provides what the original religion was. The core of my religion is that I worship ONE God and that I do not know what is in His mind. I do not know what he will or will not do except what He has promised in the Quran — there is no spokesperson that can tell me what His will is. He commands us to be good (in Harmony) to ourselves and others. The Truth that I ask for is often painful but provides me with clear vision. I used to teach a course on understanding Quran at ISCJ Islamic School where I was telling the students that the Quran is a message ( a personal one) from God, so when reading it ask yourselves, “Why is God saying this to me — what is the message that applies to me.?” I have written an article on what is Islam here. By the way I am Hijabman’s father. In some of the translations the authors have inserted their own interpretations so seek a translation that is literal. I would be interested in your thoughts about what I have written. Salaams.

From My Sister:

Salaam Maura,
What a lovely name…I really feel your struggle with finding a Muslim community that reflects or supports your spiritual journey. Sometimes I wonder if it’s actually a blessing-kind of tears us away from the faith-as-ritual or faith-as-identity-politics-and-culture models and makes us really choose for ourselves, live our faith, not just swim around it sort of aimlessly, like your average mall-going American at Christmas (or bazaar going Muslim at Eid).
I wonder if it’s God’s way of bringing us closer to Her. Makes me think of how all the dearest friendships of my life are those that have survived hardship, as if that’s where intimacy is born (“with hardship there is ease, truly with hardship there is ease”-Qur’an). I wonder if God has to bring us to Her in rawness for us to really feel compelled to reach out to Her, to make Her real in our minds and hearts through all of this world-junk we also have to navigate. I know I felt closest to Her after first feeling the depths of loneliness and separation from family and friends, and that as I am tossed back into the life of the world, it is harder and harder to feel Her as if my life as a direct conversation with Her. But I guess it is a lot like a love affair: there is the first rush of inseparable love, and then the more nuanced, more complicated threshing out of duty and loyalty and commitment. Offered with love.

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1. manzoori at 14 March 09 :: #

   Maura reminds me of Muhammad. and every other prophet. beautiful creations in a love affair with God. and God in a love affair with Maura.

   be. just be. whatever it is Maura.

   what part of the country does she live in? maybe she may want to visit my spiritual guides. or contact them.

   they will most certainly offer her friendship. but i have a gut feeling she may walk away with the knowledge she is looking for and some peace as well.

2. Nazir at 15 March 09 :: #

   Hello Maura,

   I am 67 years old and was born a Muslim. I have read on christianity, Judaism, and Hidusim …a little bit of Budhism. As a young man I was in the boat that you are in; struggling to come to terms with what muslims practiced and preached, the conflicts. To some degree I am still where the real Islam is — the one that was sent down with Muhammed. One of the prayers in the Quran goes like this: Oh my sustainer enter me in the entrance of truth and provide with the exit of truth. And provide me from your presence a power of help. Oh my God there is no knowledge for us except what you teach us. I have used this prayer for the last 10 years and it seems that fog is beginning to lift.
   What I see right now is that the relgions that humans practice today are what I would call MYTHOLOGY that over the years “we” have invented. Fortunately, we muslims have original book that has been preserved — I am sure of it because if changes had been made the Quran read in Indonesia wold be different that what is read in Egypt. As such it provides what the original religion was. The core of my religion is that I worship ONE God and that I do not know what is in His mind. I do not know what he will or will not do except what He has promised in the Quran — there is no spokesperson that can tell me what His will is. He commands us to be good (in Harmony) to ourselves and others. The Truth that I ask for is often painful but provides me with clear vision. I used to teach a course on unerstanding Quran at ISCJ where I was telling the students that Quran is a message ( a personal one) from God so when reading it ask yourselves why is God saying that to you — what is the message that applies to you. I have written an article on what is Islam — you can ask Hijabman for that article. By the way I am Hijabman’s father. In some of the translations the authors have inserted their own interpretations so seek a translation that is literal.
   I would be interested in your thoughts about what I have written.
   Salams,

   (Note from HijabMan: this is the post my dad is referring to: http://hijabman.com/journal/islam-according-to-my-father

   Nazir

3. Sidi Khaled at 15 March 09 :: #

   Islam,

   Literally translated it means both peace and surrender. I beleive that islam, the true islam is based on balance. Islam doesnt tell us to abandon the worldly life and be a spiritual being nor does it tell us to live in this world and ignore what comes next. It tells us that we are here, in this world, not to live for the ratrace, but to be able to survive. But it teaches us that we survive for a purpose. In order for us to serve our purpose, to worship the all mighty, we must sacrifice. The true islam is the balance of both. And the holy prophet was very successfull at that.

   This brings me back to the original literary translation of Islam. Peace and Surrender. You achieve peace through surrender. Some of the most tranquille people in my life are not those who quit their jobs and live like hermits. They are the ones who when they enter the working world, they know its purpose and do their best. But when they enter their 5x or engage in their romance with the quran, they remove everything else from their hearts and focus, and this gives them peace.

   here’s a tip: dont expect it to come at once or to be there all the time, for me it took years to feel it and then i quickly lost it again. So keep working and you will get your reward

4. Zosha at 16 March 09 :: #

   Salaam Maura,
   What a lovely name…I really feel your struggle with finding a Muslim community that reflects or supports your spiritual journey. Sometimes I wonder if it’s actually a blessing-kind of tears us away from the faith-as-ritual or faith-as-identity-politics-and-culture models and makes us really choose for ourselves, live our faith, not just swim around it sort of aimlessly, like your average mall-going American at Christmas (or bazaar going Muslim at Eid).
   I wonder if it’s God’s way of bringing us closer to Her. Makes me think of how all the dearest friendships of my life are those that have survived hardship, as if that’s where intimacy is born (“with hardship there is ease, truly with hardship there is ease”-Qur’an). I wonder if God has to bring us to Her in rawness for us to really feel compelled to reach out to Her, to make Her real in our minds and hearts through all of this world-junk we also have to navigate. I know I felt closest to Her after first feeling the depths of lonliness and separation from family and friends, and that as I am tossed back into the life of the world, it is harder and harder to feel Her as if my life as a direct conversation with Her. But I guess it is a lot like a love affair: there is the first rush of inseparable love, and then the more nuanced, more complicated threshing out of duty and loyalty and commitment….
   Offered with love,
   Zosha

5. lozah at 16 March 09 :: #

   Maura, I don’t really have anything to add to what’s already been said above (very eloquently I might add :) ). But I want to say that I too struggled with the dilemma between the beauty of Islam versus the fatwa-laden actions of many in the Muslim Community.

   I spent a lot of time looking for the type of Muslim community that shared my lifestyle and mentality. For me this vibrant community you speak of is right here in the blogosphere!

   Unfortunately, I haven’t yet managed to find a similar community on the ground. But you know what? I truly believe that our generation is slowly but surely creating this community for ourselves. And one day, maybe many years from now it will people like us who will be at the forefront (yeah, yeah, I’m an optimist, so sue me :p ).

   I’m sure there are so many people out there who can totally relate to what you’re going through. In fact, this blogpost by Jamerican Muslimah sounds like she’s going through a somewhat similar struggle http://jamericanmuslimah.wordpress.com/2009/02/06/the-dilemma-i-find-myself-in-free-writing/.

   Also, if you are interested in learning more about Islam you should might want to check out sunnipath.com, they offer a ton of online classes in pretty much everything Islam-related.

   I wish you all the best Maura, Salaam!

6. Shireen at 16 March 09 :: #

   Whoa, I’m truly blown away by the depth of this post and the conversation that ensued. Having been born an Ismaili (Aga Khani), I can understand Maura’s struggles to go down the road of the Islam which is perceived as “conservative”. I was lead by Allah to research what Islam truly meant a few years ago and the fruit of my labor was that I’ve decided that “Sunni” Islam is what speaks to me, not Ismailism, which I’d always had more questions than answers about anyway. However, I now find myself without a community and without familial support at times because our Islams look so different now. This is where Zosha’s words ring true… “I wonder if God has to bring us to her in rawness”. I think if She brought us to Her in any other way, we wouldn’t appreciate Her. It is in the darkest of times that God speaks the loudest.

   Thanks Hijabman for creating this site and giving us lost sheep a sense of belonging. Maura, I hope you listen to what God is telling you and answer the call, whatever it may be. Don’t worry about other Muslims judging you … do what is right for you.