On Giving Men A Free Pass: The Case Of Muzzammil Hassan

by HijabMan :: posted 18 February 09

photo courtesy of yasmine

“It’s been five days now that my family along with the rest of the community has been in shock. The fact that Muzzammil was married to my first cousin before marrying the victim still horrifies us. Ms. Zubair was his third wife. Both of his earlier wives filed divorce on the same grounds of severe domestic violence and abuses.

My cousin lived with him for only a year. Yet, it took her several years to get rid of the fear of living with a man in marriage. He was known as violent and abusive in the community.” – Zerqa Abid

First, my prayers to the late Aasiya Hassan and her family. If you haven’t heard by down, Muzzammil Hassan, the CEO of BridgesTV is accused of killing Aasiya, his wife. She had recently filed for divorce. It seems he was known to have a bad temper, and his former wives filed for divorce on the same grounds— physical abuse.

And to echo Imam Mohamed Hagmagid Ali’s statement,

“...violence against women is real and cannot be ignored … the Muslim community is not exempt from this issue. We, the Muslim community, need to take a strong stand against domestic violence.”

Just like Zerqa, I don’t think that a strong stand against domestic violence is enough. Our culture is such that we give men a free pass when they do something criminal, harmful, or just plain out of line. We ignore it for any number of reasons, and find ways to explain away their behavior.

Azmaaish, in this post, tells the story of a visiting relative. He was found to be secretly videotaping his cousin while she showered. What were the consequences of his actions?

He was sent back to the motherland for the summer, where he was promptly engaged to an innocent girl of good khandaan [clan]. “A good wife will “fix” him.”

Sania’s parents did not want to cause a “rift” in the family – so they forgave him. “Forgave.”

But what is forgiveness, when it is denial meant to keep your family together? If you forgive a rapist you do not know, who has no connection for you, perhaps you have exercised an impossible virtue. But forgiveness to shut a family up, to put dirt under the rug, is no forgiveness – it is stupidity. Stupidity when we let sexual criminals run about, going as far as setting them up with other’s daughters. And when we speak up, we are told to quiet down. When we don’t, we are the family’s trouble makers. We are blamed for tearing relationships apart.

But perhaps some relationships SHOULD be torn apart. Perhaps when we shake things up a bit will these sexual criminals learn that their actions will have consequences other than quick marriages, soft reprimands, or a new, separate apartment.

Not perhaps, Azmaaish. Relationships should be torn apart. We let Muzzammil slide by and get a free pass that consequently led to Aasiya’s murder. That cousin of yours? A free pass, so that some innocent girl from the homeland is stuck with his perversion.

It happens in my family too. Uncles make inappropriate comments to female relatives. Male cousins get a little too close for comfort. They may find comfort in our parents’ houses, but they will never step foot in ours. And we should strive to be witnesses against them.

It is more important than ever that we support women’s organizations with our time and our funds.

Here is a list of South Asian Women’s Organizations

“I wanted to mention Tahirih Justice Center, an organization that does amazing, brave work on helping immigrant and refugee women in the US faced with gender-based violence get help” – Hanne Blank

| share on delicious | digg | reddit | facebook | stumbleupon |

Related Articles
On Boy Vision
Lena Khan Continues To Kick Ass, This Time With Obama Ads
A Critique Of Barack Obama's Speech In Cairo, Egypt
Keith Olbermann On Prop 8
Sub-Prime Mortgage Mess. WHAT IS IT? Eid Mubarak to Ira Glass!

1. Preeti at 18 February 09 :: #

   I’m thankful to read your level-headed post on this story.

2. Hanne at 18 February 09 :: #

   Thank you for this. I wish I could pay you to take this message all over the world, in person.

   Also I wanted to mention Tahirih Justice Center, an organization that does amazing, brave work on helping immigrant and refugee women in the US faced with gender-based violence get help: http://www.tahirih.org/

   Karamah: Muslim Women Lawyers for Human Rights is another invaluable resource: http://www.karamah.org/

3. Hadiya at 18 February 09 :: #

   ASA
   Thank you for this. I get so frustrated with this issue being an American revert to Islam. It makes no sense to me. The Muslim community needs to step up and stop living in the shadow of some perceived cultural hall pass given to the men in their patriarchal, and not necessarily ISLAMIC societies….

4. Aaisha at 19 February 09 :: #

   Good post. There are a number of organizations that have been standing up to Domestic Violence for years. One in particular is here in NYC – Turning Point. If you know anyone that is in need of assistance, please have them reach out to us (contact info below). TP (Turning Point) works to help strengthen women that have dealt with DV (Domestic Violence), provides counseling services, and builds confidence and strength in the younger women of the community to try and prevent any further occurrences of DV. This is a long and hard road, and I pray that once this story fades away from people’s memories, the issue itself will not. If you can not physically do anything to help alleviate the problems, please do what you can financially to keep these programs going and organizations open.

   TP –
   website – http://www.turningpoint-ny.org/
   Hotline – 718-883-9400

5. Nia at 19 February 09 :: #

   I was born and raised in a Muslim family, in a Muslim community. I was married at 18, to a “good” Muslim man. Only to live in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for years.

   When I finally gained the courage to seek a divorce, the first Imam (a Pakistani) ignored my complaint of emotional abuse. He instructed me to be patient and go home with my abuser.

   The second Imam (African) tried to help us stay together with counseling. My ex refused. According to him, there was nothing for which counseling was needed.

   The third Imam (Arab) granted me a divorce. No arguments needed. However, my ex was not encouraged to seek any counseling for his behavior. Subsequently, he flew to Morocco and married a young girl who spoke no English, and flew her here to the U.S. I pray that she doesn’t suffer too much.

   Domestic violence in Muslim marriages is something no one in my hometown community wants to address. But, if no one does, the Muslim family unit will suffer. I got out years ago. But SO many other women are still trapped.

   In the Qur’an, Allah says, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women.” Men, protect.

6. N at 19 February 09 :: #

   HM, your post reminds me of a film I once saw called “The Children We Sarifice.” The premise is that the abused child’s welfare is sacrificed for family harmony and the perpetrator is allowed to continue. Over the years I’ve heard it from women of various ethnicities (Caucasian, African American, Asian…). I’m saddened that abusers would be harbored in their own families or pawned off on others’. And from the new in-laws’ point of view, what is going on with their criteria that they weigh material assets over character? Sometimes the character is secret but, I bet, many times it is not.(http://www.captivedaughters.org/filmNepal-India.htm

7. steve at 21 February 09 :: #

   AUTHOR: please correct “Muzzammil Hassan, the CEO of BridgesTV confessed to killing Aasiya, his wife.”

   Muzzamil has not yet confessed.