Rent-A-Mahram.com, For All Your Mahram Needs!

by HijabMan :: posted 1 April 09

Saudi Arabia mandates that a woman needs a male relative, or a mahram to visit Mecca. This leaves many of our sisters empty handed with no ‘umra or hajj visa in hand. Enter Rent-A-Mahram. We provide temporary husband services to cure this injustice. Thousands of single Muslim women (especially converts) who cannot go will now have a companion!

Rent-A-Mahram.com, for all your mahram needs. We also provide background check services on potential mates by bringing baseball bats to our meetings!

Note: No representation is made that the quality of services performed by this mahram are better than the services performed by actual mahram. Dowry, maintenance, and gratification of sexual desires not included.

UPDATE: WE NOW OFFER THREE (3) HAJJ PACKAGES:

Poor Peoples Package (PPP)
For the truly third world experience

- Water from the well of Zamzam will be provided free of charge in those neat plastic cups available throughout the mosque. We’ll throw in some granola bars too!

- Shared Mixed Sex Bathroom Per 50 People..

- No Air Conditioning

- Transportation provided by Pakistan International Airlines, where they proudly proclaim: Our planes may be from the 1970’s, they may smell like poo, and our landings always make you think you are about to die, but that is what makes us special!

- You’ll be chauffeured through Mecca and Medina on a camel or a ’95 Toyota corolla

Sweatshop Friendly Package (GAP)
For Those who can afford air conditioning

- Just like the PPP but no shared bathroom

- Air conditioning 50% of the time

- You get your Zamzam water in a super-cute collectible
Starbucks travel mug!

- Kentucky Fried Chicken-catered meals. (Mango icecream included!)

- Your pilgrimage ihram garments will also come especially designed from The GAP*

Package Three: The Sheikh Special
Eat The Rich

- You will be treated like Saudi Royalty.

- Includes a trip to the desert complete with Bedouin feast.

-Upon arrival in the holy mosque, an elevated red carpet will be rolled out with direct access to the Kaaba

- Your mahram will be sure to wipe off the black stone before you kiss it, so you don’t have to worry about Hepatitis A from the unwashed masses

Interested in booking a cute mahram ? Interested in being a cute mahram ? Contact us today!

***

*Straight from their sweatshops!

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To The Man Who Is Smelling

1. xinu at 1 April 09 :: #

   Well.. DUH. It’s obvious I’m gonna go with the GAP package, who in their right mind would say no to KFC for every meal?! MMMMMM.

   Oh wait, I already have a husband mahram. Darnit. Can I just pay you for the chicken and have you deliver it to my hotel/camp?

2. Faiza at 1 April 09 :: #

   “Dowry, maintenance, and gratification of sexual desires not included.”

   Dammit.

3. Tazeen at 2 April 09 :: #

   hilarious

4. zainab at 2 April 09 :: #

   hahahaaha

5. Shireen at 2 April 09 :: #

   Okay, at the risk of sounding dumb… WHY is this still needed in Saudi Arabia? Is there a Qu’ranic reason behind it or is it a case of Qu’ranic misinterpretation? I didn’t grow up in a tradtional Muslim family so things like this are new to me. When my cousin asked me if I’d like to go on Hajj or Ummrah I was excited, until she told me that I had to have a mahram (and I don’t..). Why would an educated, self sufficent woman need a man to speak for her? When is this going to STOP? Whoa there, I’m going to get off my feminist soapbox now but Hijabman and friends, I really need to hear what you think. (HM, I think I know what you’re going to say but I want to hear it anyway!)

6. lozah at 2 April 09 :: #

   The reason this law exists is because there is an authentic Hadith that says that a woman may not travel more than the distance of 3 days without a male mahram.

   The argument against this is that the Prophet (PBUH) said this in light of the extremely dangerous circumstances of travelling at the time. A woman travelling on her own through the desert would be extremely vulnerable to robbery, rape, etc. Travelling today is so different that there is no reason to worry for a woman’s safety. Scholars further validate this by another Hadith that says something along the lines of:
   one day in the future Islam will be so widespread that a woman will be able to travel alone “from Yemen to Hadramaut fearing only Allah and the wolf”.

   They say that this indicates that the Prophet(PBUH) was not opposed to women travelling alone on principle, but rather out of fear for their safety in the current circumstances.

   Sorry I don’t have more information as I just recently got interested in this topic myself, I haven’t even read the Arabic text of this Hadith so I don’t know how accurate this translation is (I found it online). But if you do a google search for that Hadith you’ll find more information (much of it is bound to be inaccurate though so be careful :)).

7. Zosha at 2 April 09 :: #

   What’s really kind of scary is that, as a woman who has travelled alone in several parts of the world, I have felt the least safe in so-called “Muslim” countries. I hate to air our dirty laundry, but it’s absolutely the truth. So far, my experience suggests that (1) several non-Muslim countries (and brothers) are more Muslim than the Muslims and (2) Mae West rocked out when she said, “Every man I meet wants to protect me. Can’t figure out what from.”

8. Shireen at 3 April 09 :: #

   Iozah, thanks! I’d never run across that Hadith before.

   Zosha, I agree with you. I guess having a mahram in those so-called Muslim countries would come in handy!

   I guess I’m just trying to find a happy medium or at least, MY happy medium between “Muslim” and “Feminist”. I know these two shouldn’t be mutually exclusive but sometimes they seem to be just that, by the actions of certain Muslim men at least.

9. HijabMan at 4 April 09 :: #

   Happy April Fool’s Day Guys :)

   Shireen— I second Zosha :) (cause she is my sister)

10. N (in Houston) at 4 April 09 :: #

    Zosha (and Mae West)— levels of hostile and benevolent sexism (as measured by social psychologist) are correlated around the world. Benevolent sexism is all that chivalry, protection and pedestal stuff.

11. N at 4 April 09 :: #

    You are right on!

12. Owl at 6 April 09 :: #

    Haha, is this the thing we dreamed up when I was in Philly? My memory is such soup these days.

    Btw, I did sort of finally answer your Muslim hook up drama question. Hit up the blob. It lives.

13. :) at 6 April 09 :: #

    haha hey! i drive a 1992 toyota corrola and i live in NY. LOL...tru story