Thank You For Parents Who Value Creativity

by HijabMan :: posted 25 February 09

“I’ve never been in a room with a South Asian photographer, filmmaker, and teacher, before… I mean, how do you do that? How did your parents let you get away with that?!”

This past Saturday, I spent the day photographing a Pakistani guy propose to his girlfriend on the ice at Rockefeller Center. After looking for a place to crash, I ended up in Harlem, at my friend Musa’s apartment. His brother Esa was also visiting. Musa is an award-winning filmmaker, while Esa is a talented and successful educator. In addition to their careers, they both have passions beyond their day jobs. Along with their family, they have served as inspirations for me as I continue my journey to discover and pursue what I love.

That evening at Musa’s place, his roommate had a bunch of friends over. They consisted of engineers, accountants, and people working in the financial sector. Which, if you aren’t familiar with American-Desi culture, are the usual career choices for young men whose parents immigrated from the subcontinent. One of them, the accountant in particular, seemed floored by Musa, Esa, and I…

Musa suggested that it really had to do with having parents who encouraged and valued creativity.

/*flashback*/

A decade ago, when my father still resembled a South Asian uncle to some extent, he would speak to me about prestige, and how it was important in life. While both my parents encouraged my creative pursuits by doing everything from helping me write poetry to driving me to karate classes, my father would drop names like Princeton and Harvard and suggest becoming a doctor. This is not uncommon among people of his background.

But then something changed.

Years later, after starting HijabMan, finding a full-time job, and studying a mix of Psychology, Middle Eastern Studies, and Women’s Studies, I found myself having another conversation with my father about life. It was then that I reminded him of his long-winded ‘prestige’ monologue.

“Isn’t prestige still important to you, Dad? You always mentioned Princeton and becoming a doctor…”

After a short pause, he responded.

“ Beta, you’ve made your own prestige.”

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1. Preeti at 25 February 09 :: #

   It’s interesting, this desi culture we have. My sis is graduating this year, with a double major in psych and film. (Not the best time to be graduating for sure!) Parents wanted her to be a doc (of course) but she stood up for herself and did what she wanted. Now I hope she is successful so she can show the parentals that it’s okay to do “weird” things. Sometimes I wonder though if they’ll ever believe in that success, when they have their own definition of what it is in their mind. I think kids definitely need encouragement to pursue their passions, whether it’s something “accepted” or not. I definitely plan on doing that for mine, if I have any!

   BTW, is your friend looking for people to help out with his work? My sister is available. ;)

2. Shireen at 25 February 09 :: #

   It seems that more and more South Asian parents are becoming open to the idea of their children doing something other than the lawyer, doctor rigamarole. I often wonder what/where I would have been if my parents encouraged creativity in the way yours did… yes, I’m a bit wistful. :)

3. muhajababe at 25 February 09 :: #

   hi hijab man !!
   a good book to read is Outliers…
   you cant blame desi culture for wanting to see their children succeed its every parents dream. However in this time, success i think is more individual, and not what society expects of you, i understand where your father is coming from, in his eyes you have gained it through your own individual means.

4. ZAI at 25 February 09 :: #

   This one totally brought tears to my eyes … geez hijabman, why you gotta DO THAT!

5. HippieMom at 25 February 09 :: #

   I had the same reaction as ZAI.

6. ann at 26 February 09 :: #

   “ Beta, you’ve made your own prestige.”

   aww :)

7. xinu at 28 February 09 :: #

   Funny you should write about this, I was having a similar conversation in my “Creative Thinking” class (part of my Masters in Marketing) just a few days ago, where many people (desis and non-desis) were bemoaning having to fight their parents to pursue a creative career. It was a little horrifying to hear what lengths parents will go to stop their kids doing anything outside the straight and narrow.

   I can’t imagine having that kind of life. My parents bought me books by the truckload when I was a kid, and encouraged me to write when I showed an interest. Every time I published a poem or short story in a local magazine (in Dubai), they’d send copies of it to family in India. My dad insisted that I major in Film for my undergrad given my obsession with Bollywood and advertising. If it weren’t for them believing in my creativity, I would not be where I am today.

   Supportive parents are the lifeblood of creativity; I can’t imagine parents who stifle it in their children in the pursuit of culturally-mandated ideas of ‘prestige’. Isn’t it far more important to do something you’re passionate about, good at, and are respected for? That’s prestige to me.

   (By the way, this is Zeenat.. from Facebook.. and, erm, the one conversation we can’t seem to remember having at some point between 2001 and 2005)