The Day "Imam" Became A Four Letter Word
One summer morning, about a year ago, I found myself in a car with a young Muslim man who had memorized all of the Qur’an. I hadn’t really hung out with a young, male Muslim teen in a while, so I thought I’d pick his brain. This was at a time when I thought I wanted to be an imam, or religious leader. Before I got a chance though, he let out a yawn.
“Man, I’m so tired. I was on the phone till four o’clock this morning.”
“Who is the girl?” I replied, smiling.
He stiffened. He thought he could slip one by me.
What was he expecting?
Oh MashaAllah, you brothers sure do go out of your way to wake each other up for morning prayers!
Not a chance, dude. Very few young men will stay on the phone until dawn talking with another guy. This is further evidenced by the next few minutes of our conversation.
“Come on, tell me bro, who is the girl, whats her name, give me the scoop!”
“Dude, you’re gay, leave me alone, I’m not saying anything!”
Leveling an accusation of homosexuality is usually the first line of defense. It may have made me back off when I was 13, but I’ve become quite comfortable with my heterosexuality.
“Why won’t you say, Asad?”
“You’re like, the imam-guy, you are more religiouser than I am!”
I found myself in an awkward position. Before announcing my interest in imam-hood, people were quite open with me. And now, I realized that imam was a four-letter word. Not many young Muslims in my community would go to an imam to seek counsel, let alone completely open with them. The general feeling seems to be that of fear of being judged, labeled, scolded, and openly condemned in public.
I’ve seen it happen, and it’s happened to me many, many times.
Years ago, when making a gentleman-caller type visit to a woman’s house, I sat in a religious study circle with her family and friends while the imam named Ahmed, presiding over the group, decided that I didn’t have “basic Islam” within the first 15 minutes of knowing me. I spent 12 hours with the imam and this woman’s family while he tried to humiliate me in front of them. I had decided before to keep my voice low, and stay patient through the whole ordeal, and I did. Twelve hours later I found my blood boiling, regretting that I had not stood up and spoken against him.
In the years that have passed since that confrontation, I’ve met a mixed bag of Muslim leaders. Some were inspirational, others made me want to tear my hair out. In the end, I decided that imam-hood was not for me. Note: Chaplaincy is not out of question at a later date.
With my disassociation with the I-word, strangers continued to share their lives with me. Sometimes it’s teenagers asking for advice. Other times it’s more serious- depression, sexual relationships, homosexuality, alcohol, etc. And. Geez. It’s hard.
And because it is hard, I secretly wonder if some imams put on the intimidating/scary routine so that people don’t come to them with real issues. By making people uncomfortable, they don’t have to deal with issues Muslim youth face in this society.
I wouldn’t be surprised. Would you?
Related links:
Gulf News: American Imams To Train in UAE
Hartford Seminary’s Islamic Chaplaincy Program
NYU Video: Need For Muslim Chaplains
(I know nothing about these people yet, but they seem to have their heads on straight):
Naseeha – Muslim HelpLine is a confidential youth advice network for young Muslims in Canada and the USA. And, as the Muslim Community continues to grow in North America, so do the problems amongst the youth. And at times, they don’t know who to turn to for help.
1-866-NASEEHA
Monday to Friday.
6pm – 9pm EST
3pm – 6pm PST
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katiktuni at 1 March 07 :: #
Whenever people come to you with problems, just tell them that they or their school teachers are wiping with the wrong hand. That seems to be the root cause of all life’s problems.
huda at 1 March 07 :: #
I went to hajj with Imam Magid, and I can honestly say he is one of the most inspirational people I’ve ever met. Every moment in his company makes me want to be a better Muslim. I think my brother put it best — I have never met anyone who walks the footsteps of the Prophet so well as Imam Magid.
And yet, there are still people who criticize him for “being too liberal” (because he doesn’t start up with the astaghfirullahs the second you confess you messed up) and tell him to “shave his beard and join the FBI where [he] belongs.”
And no, I wouldn’t be surprised either.
Anjum at 1 March 07 :: #
re the above comment- i’ve heard amaaazing things about Imam Magid. when i was going through a rough time with something regarding my deen, a friend suggested i call Imam Magid and ask him. although i didn’t actually get to speak to him, the fact that someone would think it likely that he’d listen and advise a teenager that he didn’t know, who doesn’t even live in the same state let alone go to his masjid.. it was impressive in itself. and another point on that – i wonder why i felt more comfortable calling an imam i didnt know than going to see the imam i didnt know at the masjid near me.
PS – the picture at the top is awesome. i wonder if you’re so cartoony in real life :P
yaser at 2 March 07 :: #
how do you get people, especially strangers, to open up? also, i like reading posts like these. or as someone in a previous post described them: ‘spiritual.’
Adnan. at 2 March 07 :: #
dude, I would stay on the phone talking with you till dawn.
HM at 2 March 07 :: #
Katik: Wow. So you wipe with the… nevermind
Huda: I’m not familiar with him.
Anjum: Yeah, I’m just as cartoony. I giggle like a 12 year old girl too, apparently.
Yaser: It isn’t something I do consciously, it just kinda happens. I think it helps that I’m open about my own life? Maybe
Adnan: Sorry, I respectfully decline. It’s not you, it’s me. :) Remind me to show you the new shirt design!
Anjum at 2 March 07 :: #
re your 12-yr-old-girl giggle – yeah, so i’ve heard!
X --- at 9 March 07 :: #
Hi HM.
Interesting post!
ill be staying on this blog a bit longer…