I Didn't Want To Call It Sexual Harassment
Photo courtesy of Iranian.com’s archive of photos from the weeks after the 1979 revolution. Last night, a young female friend of mine told me that she had been sexually harassed at work. The co-worker had begun ‘playfully’ grabbing her side by the time she told me. I instructed her to seek out the manager.Thinking about it makes me want to rearrange this guy’s face with a hammer.
First I was worried, then I was angry, because it has happened to me, and I had waited until it happened to me a second time before I told someone.
Yes, I have been sexually harassed. The incidents happened in high school, or as I like to call it, the sanitarium. From High School to taxis in Egypt, from Bedouins near Libya to Right-Next-To-The-Kaaba, I’ve come across these less-than-men who harass me or my female company. Only once was I able to witness the punishment of them. Dare I say, it was enjoyable to see instant justice, to witness what was described to me as “The Egyptian Way.” I just wish I could have contributed a fist or two.
On October 19th 199x, I wrote, “I was changing in the gym locker room and John Doe walked up to me. He asked me if I liked guys in a very sarcastic tone. I replied in the negative, and waited for him to move on. He ran his fingers down the length of my arm, “you little freak.“ I replied with the sometimes effective “F—- Off.” It didn’t work, he replied with, “Oh so you want to F—- Me now? I quickly realized that this wasn’t working so I changed tactics and kept quiet. After a few moments he left, going to talk to his friend about what he just did, “begging” for acceptence for what he did. He got his friend’s attention, so he came back, ran his fingers down my arm again and said something derogatory in nature. I didn’t face him, I kept quiet, he slowly walked away. I felt unsafe, I felt uncomfortable, I felt embarassment."
On October 27th 199x, I wrote, “was sexually harassed again by the same guy. Yup, just when I thought it was safe, the perverted psychopath came back, this time breathing down my neck, and grabbing me by the arms. It happened just as I was going in the boys’ locker room. I walked away, people stared, he saw me go to a teacher. I told the teacher, who did nothing at that point. So “how am I going to change?“ Luckily I found a football player. Big Guy… he’s had facial hair since the 5th grade. I told him of my predicament and he agreed. As I walked into the gym locker room one of the pervert’s friends said, “Hey, there’s your guy.“ FootballGuy told John Doe to lay off. Was that all he was going to do? Thanks a lot ! The football player told the guy my name. Thanks again! You deserve a freakin lollipop! The guy began screaming my name, while I got changed. I got the hell out of there and got to the guidance counselor. I told her the guys name, and they say they will take care of it after the weekend is over.”
You’ll notice that in the first entry, I didn’t want to call it sexual harassment. I was ashamed, as a young man. By the time I wrote the second entry, I had decided that that’s what it was. While uncomfortable for me to admit, I was the victim of sexual harassment. Who was this kid, Javed? What happened afterward? That’s besides the point, guys. The point is that while it is a traumatizing experience, you can definitely put a stop to it. It was a humiliating experience for me. My blood was boiling, but I was frozen in my place, unable to act, while it was happening. Now I know better.And you know better. Most articles I’ve found on how to deal with sexual harassment in the work place or in a school environment begin by encouraging people to confront the person doing the harassment. The next step is “writing a letter” to them that is dated and signed. You may wonder what that would do. Think, documentation for legal purposes. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to go to a higher authority, a manager or a guidance counselor. There are also organizations that can help you figure out what your next step should be. See below for some resources beyond my abilities.The typical, most-often heard (because the most ignorant are always the loudest) Muslim response to this is exemplified by that “highly respected” Imam who got 3 months suspension ( and a lot of bad press ) for asserting [stupid] ideas like,“Well, if women were dressed properly, maybe they wouldn’t get harassed, Javed.”
Garbage. If it happens right next to the Kaaba, in front of my eyes to fully veiled women, your argument is garbage. And on the street, in Cairo? More garbage.
Resources:
Sexual Harassment in School
Sexual Harassment at Work
Employment AdvisorySexual Harassment Links- FMLA
